Add To Cart

Section 23
Adolescent Lying

Question 23 | Test | Table of Contents


Here's a vignette regarding lying. See if you can relate to this. One day you see a student take a calculator off of your desk and put it in his own desk. You are surprised, angered and bewildered. You later approach the boy and start a conversation like this:

"How's it going?"
"Good. I'm glad I got a B on my math test."
"Speaking of math, have you seen my calculator?"
"No, where do you keep it?"
"On my desk."
"What color is it?"
"OK, listen, young man. You're lying to me. I saw you take it… etc."

In this conversation the teacher is "cornering" the youngster. Sure, she wants to get some information, but first the teacher wants to test the boy to see if he'll tell the truth. Is this the right way to handle the situation?

The answer is no. When you know some kind of trouble has occurred, don't corner children. When you corner a child, you give him a chance to practice lying.

You may think to yourself, "Sooner or later he'll realize he can't fool me and he'll give up the charade." Sometimes kids do give up during an interrogation, but many children will continue trying to take the easy way out first. They will simply work to become better liars and you will be helping to provide them with their practice sessions.

Here's a more constructive approach. Imagine something bad has happened. You either know the truth or you don't. If you don't know what occurred, ask the youngster once what happened. If he tells you the story and you find out later that the child lied, punish him for whatever the original offense was and, using the Major/Minor System, for the lie as well.

Also, try not to surprise the child by asking your questions "impulsively," or on the spur of the moment. Many kids will simply respond back impulsively. They'll lie, but their real desire is just to end the conversation, get rid of you and stay out of trouble. For example, imagine something bad has happened and you already know all the gory details. You might say something like this to a student: "I want you to tell me the story of what happened at lunch today. but not right now. Think about it a while and we'll talk in fifteen minutes. But remember I already talked with the lunch monitor." No lectures or tantrums from you.

There is another option many adults use when (1) they already know what happened and (2) the child is very likely to lie about the event no matter how the questions are phrased. In this case you simply tell the youngster what you know and then calmly mete out the punishment. You do not even give the child the chance to lie. This is what the teacher whose calculator was taken should have done. When confronted like this, some kids will still blow up and accuse you of not trusting them (testing tactic #2, temper). Manage the testing by ignoring their statement or counting them, and end the conversation with, "I'm sure you'll do better next time."

When you have a child who uses lying regularly to avoid unpleasant tasks, such as schoolwork or classroom chores, try also to fix the problem-as much as you can-so that lying does not seem necessary to the child. If your student continually lies about having his homework finished, for example, work out some kind of written communication, such as a daily assignment sheet. For classroom jobs, consider fixing the problem by the judicious use of other Start behavior strategies.
Lying is not good, but it certainly isn't the end of the world either. Most people, children as well as adults, probably tell a few "stretchers" from time to time. Not telling the truth doesn't mean that a student is bound to end up as an inmate in a federal penitentiary. Lying is a problem, though, and it needs to be managed carefully and thoughtfully. Over the years, frequent emotional overreactions from adults, combined with badgering and cornering-can help produce Accomplished Liars.
- Phelan PhD, Thomas and Sarah Jane Schonour, MA, "1-2-3 Magic for Teachers: Effective Classroom Discipline Pre-K through Grade 8", ParentMagic, Inc: Illinois, 2004.

Personal Reflection Exercise #8
The preceding section contained information about dealing with lying. Write three case study examples regarding how you might use the content of this section in your practice.
Reviewed 2023

Update
Telling the truth to seriously ill children: Considering
children's interests when parents veto telling the truth

- Gillam, L., Spriggs, M., McCarthy, M., & Delany, C. (2022). Telling the truth to seriously ill children: Considering children's interests when parents veto telling the truth. Bioethics, 36(7), 765–773. https://doi.org/10.1111/bioe.13048


Peer-Reviewed Journal Article References:
Booker, J. A., Ispa, J. M., Im, J., Maiya, S., Roos, J., & Carlo, G. (2021). African American mothers talk to their preadolescents about honesty and lying. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 27(3), 521–530.

Rizzo, M. T., Li, L., Burkholder, A. R., & Killen, M. (2019). Lying, negligence, or lack of knowledge? Children’s intention-based moral reasoning about resource claims. Developmental Psychology, 55(2), 274–285.

Smetana, J., Robinson, J., Bourne, S. V., & Wainryb, C. (2019). “I didn’t want to, but then I told”: Adolescents’ narratives regarding disclosure, concealment, and lying. Developmental Psychology, 55(2), 403–414.

QUESTION 23
What is a reason "verbally cornering" is not a good idea, although practiced by many therapists and teachers? To select and enter your answer go to Test.

Test
Section 24
Table of Contents
Top