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Section
7 Question
7 found at the bottom of this page In the last track, we discussed the Yo-Yo Syndrome and the use of clustering. This track will discuss how children can be used as silent weapons between violent partners as part of the Yo-Yo Syndrome and how they become the unintended victims of domestic violence. As you are well aware, by manipulating their children as objects to cause pain and intimidation in the partner, children can quickly become silent weapons within a violent family. I have found there are 3 bullets, so to speak, that come from using children as weapons. These three bullets are: Control, Blame, and Alienation. Is this what you have observed as well? I recently treated a family that had been separated since Alice, the mother, received a Protective Order against her husband, Nate. In front of the children, Nate had threatened Alice with a kitchen knife. Since the time of Alice and Nate's separation, their three children, aged 9, 11, and 12, were being used as silent weapons between the couple. First,
let's look at the how the children were used as silent weapons to fire Bullet
#1: Control. In addition to using children to fire the Bullet of Control, as you know, children can also be used as silent weapons to fire Bullet #2: Blame. When Jenny, age 11, asked her father why he wasn't at home anymore, Nate took the opportunity to make her believe her mother was to blame. Nate answered her by saying, "Jenny, I don't live at home because mommy doesn't love me anymore. And mommy called the police and said that I hit her even though I never did." Are you treating a child who is caught in the blame game between his or her parents? By using children to fire the bullet of Blame, children can easily be set up for Bullet #3: Alientation. Nate found ways to make spending time with him more appealing than time with their mother. He bought a video game system for Danny, age 12, that he knew Alice couldn't afford to buy. Think of a child you are currently treating for which the batterer has alienated his children against their mother by perhaps allowing them to escape their mother's rules and discipline. I have found that children who are turned against their mothers first act very proud for getting in good with their father. As you know, this is often known as identifying with the aggressor. However, beneath this mask of pride I, most probably like you, have found the children to be frightened, confused, and self-hating. Danny, the oldest, was very aware that his father was trying to buy their affections and alienate him against his mother. To help children such as Danny and Jenny, I use a Gestalt Dialogue Perspective technique. The Dialogue portrays an event from more than one perspective at a time. Danny and Jenny wrote or stated a dialogue between themselves and a family member, between different parts of themselves, or between the client at a younger age and the client now. Jenny chose to write a dialogue between two different parts of herself, "me, when I'm with Dad" and "me, when I'm with Mom." This written dialogue promoted openness between Jenny and me, and I found that her responses on paper were more honest than an actual conversation. This track has discussed the three bullets of control and upset, blame, and alienation, and the Dialogue technique that I have found useful in treating children used as silent weapons. Are you currently treating a child who is being used as a silent weapon between parents? If so, what steps are you taking to help the child? QUESTION
7 Answer Booklet for this course Forward to Introduction Back to Track 6 Table of Contents Top |
