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Appendix - Client Reproducible Worksheets

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The "Become a Playwright"  Technique
Review CD track 2 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to decrease occurrences of identity diffusion.
1.  Visualize a social interaction which produces identity diffusion.
2.  Imagine being a playwright, the person who has written the scene and created the characters on stage.
3.  Write a new part for yourself to see how the supporting characters might respond to different lines.

Three Steps to Conscious Communication
Review CD track 3 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to overcome or at least question the urge to react emotionally and without forethought to a situation or comment. 
1.  Recognize the tension.
2.  Realistically evaluate the situation.
3.  Empathize.

The "Turn It Around" Technique
Review CD track 4 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to increase self-esteem and avoid further depreciation.
1.  Understand that accusers often project feelings about themselves onto others.
2.  Describe your problem with the interaction in observable, non-blaming terms.
3.  Describe how you feel about the problem.
4.  Explain the problem in terms of non-productive behavior.
5.  Describe how you would have liked the interaction to go. 

The "Abandoning Abandonment"   Technique
Review CD track 5 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to decrease occurrences of distorted perceptions of abandonment.
1.  Determine separation.
2.  Evaluate the other person’s words or actions as about them and their history rather than about you.
3.  Learn to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ clearly.

The "Looking Glass" Technique
Review CD track 6 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to avoid being controlling.
1.  Focus on yourself for several minutes, paying special attention to your control issues.
2.  Focus on the person over whom you exert control.
3.  Imagine how that person feels about his or herself.
4.  Compare and contrast your perception of the person’s self image to how you feel about that person.

Techniques for Coping with Revisiting Home
Review CD track 8 for more information regarding these techniques.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to cope with returning home.
Dealing with Non-Productive Residual Childhood Memories
1.  Identify any physical symptoms of anxiety associated with childhood memories.
2.  Establish the original context of the memory.  What was the atmosphere?  Describe the dialogue.  Did you feel exposed or protected?
3.  Sympathize with yourself as a child who had those upsetting experiences, but remind yourself that you’re an adult now.  And the person who said or did those things can no longer hurt you.
4.  Rewrite your earlier experiences.
Maintaining Control During a Return Visit Home
1.  Plan to go for just a few days even though others are staying longer.
2.  Try not to depend on your family.  Stay with a friend or sibling, or even consider a hotel room.
3.  If you do stay with your family, consider renting a car for at least part of the visit.
4.  Plan to take a breather and get away.  Take long walks, go on a day trip, or visit old friends.
5.  Avoid confronting family members regarding old issues unless you have a clear idea of your goals and expectations.  In one of our sessions, we can discuss and practice what you want to say.
6.  Find a way to physically leave if you are too uncomfortable to stay.  As a child you felt you couldn’t leave, but as an adult, know that you can leave and give yourself permission to utilize that option.

The "Exploring Why" Technique
Review CD track 9 for more information regarding this technique.
Spouse of client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to foster an understanding of why BPD causes distorted perceptions.
1.  How many different reasons exist for your spouse’s behavior?
2.  How accurate is your perception of the situation?
3.  If you described this situation to someone not connected with you and your spouse, would that person perceive this situation the same way you do?
4.  How have your emotional reactions shifted as you have considered alternative explanations?
5.  How would you behave in your spouse’s shoes?  Would you engage in similar behaviors?" 

Coping Strategies for Avoiding Anger Resulting from Feelings of Abandonment
Review CD track 10 for more information regarding these coping strategies.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to avoid anger resulting from feelings of abandonment. 
1.  Tell yourself that you can participate in fun, and you won’t be ignored.
2.  Laugh along with your friends.
3.  Focus on the fact that your friends are fun people and not the distortion that someone is ignoring you.
4.  Tell yourself that if someone engages in communication with others, it will not result in abandonment.
5.  Remember all the good times you share.

"Learning From Others"
Review CD track 11 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to learn from others.
1.  Begin to observe others with a focus on learning.  Ask yourself

  • What are they doing?
  • What mistakes are they making?
  • How well or badly do they treat others?
  • Do I treat people that way?
  • What qualities does that person have that I would like?
  • What qualities does that person have that I would like to eliminate?
  • If more people were like that, would the world be a better place?

2.  Make connections between your actions and the actions of the people you are observing.

The "Remembering" Technique
Review CD track 11 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to enhance appreciation of other people and to help foster more trust in others.
1.  Make three columns on a sheet of paper. 
2.  Label the first column ‘People.’
3.  Label the second column ‘Actions.’
4.  Label the third column ‘Effects.’
5.  Think of others who have had a positive effect on you and fill out the sheet of paper. 
6.  Repeat the exercise, but this time make a list of negative effects.
7.  Think about how you have affected people positively.  What about negatively? 

The "Outer Play" Technique
Review CD track 11 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to begin to engage in outer play as well as inner work.
1.  Find activities that bring you joy. 
2.  Get silly and have fun.
3.  Let your friends know that you are having a hard time.
4.  Help a friend or do some volunteer work.
5.  Consider attending lectures or taking classes that enhance your knowledge.
6.  Get physical. 
7.  Pay attention to your diet.
8.  Do something you’ve never done before.
9.  Find ways to experience your spirituality.

"Challenge The Critic"
Review CD track 12 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to dispute cognitive distortions.
1.  List cognitive distortions.  For each one, write a recent example of the distortion at work.
2.  Challenged the distortion and rewrite the statement. 
3.  Develop affirmations that you can repeat whenever you find yourself in a negative pattern of thinking.

Self-Esteem Assessment
Review CD track 13 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to assess levels of self-esteem.
1.  On a scale of 0 to 10, rate how closely you agree with each of the following ten statements. A zero would indicate no agreement agree.  A 10 would indicate complete agreement.

  1. I am a valuable person
  2. I possess the qualities I need to live a fulfilling life.
  3. When I look in the mirror, I feel good.
  4. I think of myself as a success.
  5. I’m able to laugh at myself.
  6. I’m happy being me.
  7. Given a choice, I’d choose to be me over someone else.
  8. I treat myself with respect.
  9. I continue to believe in myself, even when others don’t
  10. Overall I’m satisfied with the person I am.

2.  Analyze those responses for which you answered with a 5 or lower.

The "Enforcement" Technique
Review CD track 13 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following mnemonics to maintain boundaries.
‘LEMON’
‘L’  Leave the room or situation.
‘E’  Emotional distance.  Reduce the amount of personal information you share.  Limit the topics of conversation.
‘M’  Move out or move away.
‘O’  On your terms.  Visits and other interactions are yours to control.
‘N’  Not communicating.  Don’t answer or selectively answer calls, emails, or letters from certain people or about certain subjects.

‘NICE’
‘N’  No.  Practice saying it.  And remember you don’t need to explain why the answer is no.
‘I’  I.  Express how you feel.  "I think …"; "I feel …"; "I know …"
‘C’  Clear communication and agreements. 
‘E’  Enough!  Don’t hesitate to stop or denounce abusive behavior.

‘KISS’
‘K’  Know thyself.  Be able to identify how you feel, as well as your goals for interaction.
‘I’  Identify what you want in life.    
‘S’  Self-esteem.  Valuing yourself helps maintain healthy boundaries. 
‘S’  Support yourself.  Trust that you can make excellent choices and decisions.

The "Revealing the Truth" Technique
Review CD track 14 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to understand the effects of a parent’s behavior and gain acceptance.
1.  Write a letter to your parent that you won’t actually send.  Tell your truth.
2.  Write a false eulogy for your parent saying everything you feel.

3.  Write a eulogy for your ideal parent who doesn’t exist.  Include comparisons between your ideal and real parent.

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