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Treating Men in Search of Intimacy and Connection

Appendix - Reproducible Client Worksheets

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Take the Opposite Track
Review CD track 1 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to develop obstinacy toward the pain of a lack of intimacy.
1.  Actively dislike the pain of a lack of intimacy.
2.  Refuse to accept the pain.
3.  Exaggerate your need to change your feelings. 
4.  Go way beyond your normal resistance. 
5.  Forbid yourself to accept the situation. 
6.  Say to yourself, "I’ll never accept this no matter what."

Avoiding Taboo Loaded Communication
Review CD track 2 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to feel open to talking about how a desire for intimacy affects him.
1.  Be specific.
2.  Be direct.
3.  Be straight.
4.  Be clear.
5.  Create a climate for honesty.
6.  Tell the truth.

Becoming Aware of Discontent
Review CD track 3 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to increase his awareness of what you want from an intimate relationship.
1.  Experience your feelings.
2.  Define what you want.
3.  Rediscover old strategies for coping.

The Stretching Technique
Review CD track 5 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to stretch against resistance to intimacy.
1.  Identify your grievances.
2.  Identify the underlying desires behind these grievances.
3.  Make a specific request for change.
4.  Share underlying desires.
5.  Rank the various requests for change.
6.  Exchange your lists and discuss solutions.

Experiencing Neediness
Review CD track 6 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to overcome the common male fear of abandonment based on an aversion to neediness.
1.  Confess your inability to need.
2.  Don’t fake it.
3.  Keep your boundaries.
4.  Confess needs that can’t be experienced.
5.  Pay attention to what evokes your hunger.

ReRomanticizing
Review CD track 8 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures with his partner to share specific information about what pleases them and agree to pleasure each other on a regular, consis­tent basis, in order to turn his relationship into a zone of safety. 
1.  Identify what you currently receive from your intimate relationship which pleases you.
2.  Identify the things which used to please, but are no longer part of your relationship.
3.  Identify what your partner could do or what you would like to have please you.
4.  Combine and prioritize each of the pleasing things you have come up with.

Friendship Talks
Review CD track 8 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to overcome the roadblocks to maintaining friendship throughout the growth of an intimate relationship.
1.  Plan times when you can talk interruptedly.
2.  Take turns picking out topics that interest each of you.
3.  Take turns pretending to be your favorite television interviewer, interviewing your partner about her life story. 

Poem of the Marriage Bed
Review CD track 12 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to maintain the sanctity of the marriage bed.
1.  Hold each other before sleep every night. 
2.  Tell her what she had done or said to show love throughout the course of that day.

How to Build Intimacy
Review CD track 14 for more information regarding this technique.
Client reviews and utilizes the following procedures to build intimacy.
1.  Decide to know the other people in your life instead of taking them for granted.
2.  Interview people.
3.  Let go of your need to possess or own the other person.
4.  Consider how you can earn others’ goodwill.
5.  Accept your insecurity with others.
6.  See knowing as a process.
7.  Be there fully.
8.  Be a true friend.
9.  Be willing to tell the truth.

 


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